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Finding Motivation

A long with my last blog post… When I tell people today, that I used to be fat in high school, they look at me like I am crazy. It’s true. I was. I sometimes I still see the same person in the mirror. I’ve lived with that person for like 6 years. It’s hard for her to leave when I look in the mirror. To continue on with my previous posts about my lifestyle changes, I’ll now be writing about how I first started to lose weight.

Usually they say that students who go to college gain 15 pounds (freshman 15). I was neither a freshman, nor did I have the room to carry more weight on me. Haha. When I lived in Provo, UT, I was south of campus. I had a lot of walking to do. From this experience, I truly believe in walking and the good it can do for you. I would walk to and from campus a couple times a day. And I was a pretty busy college girl. I had a goal of finishing in two years, so I took full loads of classes. Anyways, on my way to one of my classes every other morning, I had to walk up these huge steps! I had a roommate that I would walk with and she was skinny and in shape. This gave me motivation to keep up with her and just tackle the steps. After a month of two of college, I noticed my pants were fitting a little looser. When I went home for Thanksgiving (2008), people even noticed I had lost some weight.

People noticing actually gave me more motivation on my journey to becoming more healthy. When I got back to school, I decided my major would be in Public Health. I decided that would be my major because it was one of the only majors that I had a lot of prerequisites done for and I would be able to finish by 2010. I just wanted to get my BS degree, but I am very glad I majored in it. It motivated me even more to become healthy since I’d feel like a hypocrite if I didn’t practice what I believed. I didn’t even realize that I was becoming motivated, but around spring time the following year. I had been walking a lot around campus and drinking more water. That is really how it all started.

I also have another roommate, who loved to cycle and run. One day, when all my roomies were gone, I decided to lace up my gym shoes and try it out. OH. MY. GOSH. I didn’t last long at all! But I did it. I ran from my apartment to the train tracks, which was about 10 minutes. That was my goal – to run to the tracks. I don’t even think it was even a mile. Then I walked back. I was an athlete in high school, I played volleyball and softball, but this was a whole different type of workout. I was so sore the next day too. But I kept doing it.

Eventually I started looking at calories and what I should be eating. It was the simple things, like looking at saturated and trans fats. Also looking at volume in regards to calories. I like staying full. This was now my second semester in college. I went home for the summer and I was about a size 8. I used to be a 14! I started running more and taking time to do so in the morning. I was running about 15-30 minutes. Not much, but then when I went back to school, I started running 3 miles daily with 5 miles on the weekend.

Basically, I didn’t even know I started loosing weight during my first semester. Then during my second semester, I decided to lace up my shoes, run, and carry water with me everywhere. Then during my first summer off, I started running a little more. It started slow with me, but the weight came off fast. Just these little lifestyle changes really made the difference.


I Was Fat in High School

I suppose it is time for another post about fitness and lifestyle changes. As I mentioned in my first/previous post, I do not diet; I lifestyle change. I honestly detest the word. Maybe that’s why I’m more of a “classy” girl, at least that is what I think. I don’t really give into a bunch of fads (occasionally I do, like the pleather pants fad back in elementary school). I like things that are timeless.

Growing up, I semi-thought I ate healthy and thought I was in good shape. I lied to myself. I knew I didn’t have the best fitness lifestyle, but I sorta “tried.” I played volleyball, basketball, and softball in middle school and some of high school. I kept a water bottle with me everywhere I went. Some days, I would go on a run down the road by my house and then go in my room and do some exercises I found in magazines. All of this led no where.  You need to change not hope for the change. Actually do something and stick to it. Start slow if you need to or do it all at once.  None of your working out really amounts to much when you still drink pop, eat chips, candy, etc.

Thus, I had low self-esteem. It’s a horrible thing to have. It’s a disease I tell you. Even now, I still do have a low opinion of myself sometimes. I question what I am able to do. I question the people I meet and if they really do “like” me or if they put up a front. I question who my friends are and why they are my friends. I even question why my husband fell in love with me. I question why he still loves me. I know none of these really should have to do with looks, but more with who I am on the inside, but low self-esteem plagues the person in every facet of their being. I look back to my high school days and realize that I’m not really friends with any of the people I wanted and tried to be friends with. I still have some great people that I knew and I know they are genuine. I tried so hard to hang out with certain crowds, but I always left feeling that I hated myself because I was always just “there” never acknowledged. I remember one time they were all talking about a dance coming up and they pretty much all decided to take each other. Did anyone once ever look towards me? No, they did not. And what did I do? I kept quite and made rationalizations for them and for myself. I remember driving home that night and feeling the pain of hate that I had towards my mind, my soul, and my body. No one should EVER feel that way. Especially after hanging out with friends.

I sat back and told myself it’ll get better once you go to college. I didn’t hang out with those people much anymore. It wasn’t because of that night either, it was because somethings happened between me and one of my friends and I decided to stop calling to see if they would think to call me, they never did. Basically it was a one sided relationship and I was done trying.  The sad thing is most of them were people from church. Luckily, I have a strong conviction and the way people are and how they treat me will never change the way I feel about my savior and his church. I still love them and I am in no way upset.  I’m lucky that I had other friends who loved me and my religious beliefs and that’s who I hung out with. I might have made some questionable decisions, but I still turned out alright. I had a great childhood and I had parents and family who loved me. I am very grateful for them and still am.

Once I graduated high school and got my associates degree, I went off to college to get my BS . I received them at the same time because I took a test and  went to the community college my last two years of high school. One of my best decisions ever. After both graduations, that fall, I left for BYU in Utah. This is where I had many challenges my first semester and where I decided to change my life around. That’s for my next post though. I will leave you with a picture of me from my high school days and a picture of me when I graduated college. I am nervous about doing this, I hate putting myself out there. Honestly, I had this post written for about a week before I mustered up the courage to upload the photos to it and publish it to the blog.

June 2008 high school graduation.

June 2008 high school graduation.

April 2010 college graduation.

April 2010 college graduation.

I Do NOT Diet, I Lifestyle Change

I’ve been thinking about how to go about writing this post. Matter of fact, I have been thinking about doing a post like this for over a year and starting my own personal blog. I have a family blog about my adventures with my husband and a blog on counterfeit drugs. I’ve been asked on several occasions about what I eat and what I do for my exercise routine. I’ve responded to quite a few people on Facebook about this. Personally, I like keeping things intimate, private, and basically just personal. So I haven’t really thought that much about writing a post about my fitness. But I did think that writing a post would help those who are a little ashamed or too scared to ask. Everyone is different and their needs are different – one of the reasons I like being intimate. What I do might not even work with you and your lifestyle. I will probably make this into a series of posts and start by saying why I did what I did. Some may dream of achieving their goals, but I didn’t just dream, I went out and did it.

I constantly try to remember this. I’m very hard on myself when it comes to indulging every once in a while.

First, I want to say that I am NOT on a diet. I do not give into fad diets and will not. I may; however, look into them and maybe incorporate a part of it to my LIFESTYLE. To me, when someone says diet, I think of an end to it and I don’t see real change. A diet is something that you do short-term to meet a short-term goal that, to me, will not last. To be blatantly honest, when I was in high school, I was fat. When I tell people that their jaws drop and they cannot seem to fathom that that was who I was. I’m slightly embarrassed to even talk about it. I won’t even show my husband my photographs of myself back in the day, I’d even go as far as to delete them or un-tag myself in them from social media. I was the girl who didn’t even get asked on dates like other girls and I was the girl who had to wait to get her prom dress until she got asked. There were other girls who would plan months ahead because they knew they would be asked. I never felt pretty/worthy enough to even be asked. I hated it. I hated myself. I hated my body. I hated what I felt like. Honestly, I still have issues to this day with how I look at myself in the mirror and what I tell myself in my head. I am afraid I’ll get fat. I’m afraid to enjoy food because of falling back into my old habits. I am afraid if I miss a workout day, I’ll get fat. This is why I don’t diet. I change my life. I make it a habit. I make it who I am.

Second, I enjoy taking care of my body. When you take care of your body it takes care of you – true story. Sometimes I even make myself enjoy what I do. Yes, that is possible. I’ve turned plenty of things I hate to what I love. It’s all in your head. I absolutely love working out and love pushing myself (sometimes). Haha. It’s an ongoing process though. I’ll never be done. Everyday is a new challenge. Will I workout? Will I eat to sustain myself? Will I have a sugary treat? Trust me, I still enjoy the yummy-sugary-goodness that this world has to offer, such as, cotton candy, cheesecake, Biscoff (crunchy and creamy straight out of the jar), wintergreen lozenges, mint Oreos, etc. I believe that you can always treat yourself to what you love. Everything in moderation though. If you want that cheesecake – GO for it! Just don’t “go for it” every single day. Try not to deprive yourself either. I’ve gone down that road and I’m fighting my way back. It’s tough.

Third and last, for now, just do it. You want to do something – do not hesitate. You’re as strong as you want to be. I always wanted the easy way out. I would find my mother’s magazines with their workouts in there telling you that you could have J-Lo’s bootay or Cameron Diaz’s arms or Carrie Underwood’s legs if you do these exercises. I’d read the workouts, cut them out, and do them in the secrecy of my bedroom and try to be as discrete as possible so no one would know what I was up to. It didn’t do much at all. I still don’t really like working out in front of others. Someday maybe I will. I hate being on display and I guess that is what I am semi doing by writing this post. You can sit there and pin all the workout and health food tips you want on Pinterest (or cut them from magazines and semi do them), but they won’t do anything unless you incorporate them into your life. The best tip I have is get off of your booty and move. Pick one thing to change and do it then move onto something else once you’ve mastered that. I started small, by accident actually, and then worked on from there. That’s for another post.

Fitness – it’s my lifestyle.